Firefox, you were such a good friend, but now you’re an asshole. I’ve found Chrome and we’ve been better off.

Dear Mozilla Firefox,

The reason why I hung on to you, Firefox, was for one reason, and one reason only: DownThemAll!, or “dTA” for short, but now that you have been breaking simple functionality, and adding useless features that frustrated me more, like your swipe gesture bullshit, that no matter how I tried to break you of that bad behavior (in about:config), deleting the strings that made you do that, and restarting you, has only made you not only ignore my request to stop that behavior, but also give me no obvious way to do stop you from doing so.

And you broke my most favorite extension of all, that made me hung on to you so long: DownThemAll!. Yeah, so what if it’s a “Legacy” extension. If it ain’t broke, don’t fuckin’ fix it, m’kay?

I remember it not so long ago… Internet Explorer was causing me so much trouble (remember, I was using Windows 98 and XP at the time), and somebody showed me how much cooler Firefox was over IE. Tabbed browsing?? You mean I don’t have to have 27 windows open for separate web pages? Sign me up! So, I went to http://www.getfirefox.com, downloaded your installer and I was in love.

But now it’s 2017. You’ve become a bloated fat whore now. Even in Linux, where I do my computing now. I don’t need to delete and recreate my profile every stinking time you decide to fuck up.

I am about to, after I write this, is show you the door by going to my terminal, and typing

sudo apt-get --yes purge firefox

And get on with my life.

Oh, Firefox, what is that you say? “What about DownThemAll, there is no way in hell they written a Chrome extension!” Well, yes, that’s true. But there is something close to it in the Google Chrome Store. It’s called Batch Link Downloader and the developer said it’s a “dTA alternative for Chrome.” It works. Enough said. I won’t have all the functionality of dTA 100%, but to emulate it, I use this extension too: Disable Download Bar, and hit CTRL+J to open the Downloads window in another tab.

Yeah, sure, I have to hit “Save” for each and every file (because in chrome://settings I have “Ask where to save each downloaded file” checked), but it’s not that big of an annoyance over having to restart broken dTA batch downloads that you, Firefox, had to fuck up.

Sorry, Firefox, you were a great browser, but you’ve really had your chance, and it’s time for you to leave. And shit, Firefox, why can’t you support the zoom gesture in Android that has been supported by Chrome for Android since Jelly Bean? I don’t want to have to use the two-finger pinch to zoom that is so iOS, that’s why I don’t have a fucking iPhone.

Google Chrome, welcome aboard. Firefox, see you later… NOT!

Love,
Alexa Tilbrook

Hi y’all!

Sorry but Alexa is kinda busy right now.

I’ve been with her for a little over a month already and all I gotta say is that she’s one loving Lette!

And this FBI bullshit about us Juggalos and Juggalettes being a gang? What. The. Fuck???? Are the Mormons butthurt? It seems like it because did you know that the NSA has a huge ass data farm in SALT LAKE CITY?

Go to hell, Mormons. You need to quit spying on people. Go back to your nonexistent planet “Kolob.” I’ll make you “hie” there quicker than two jiggles of my ass!